What Does it Mean to Me?

Do a Google image search for the word “Easter”, and this is the type of image you get … pages and pages of eggs, cute bunnies, and fuzzy little chicks.  Yes, there are a couple of crosses thrown in, but mostly cute and fuzzy ones … something pleasing to the eyes.


It took me a while to find this one.  I wanted a picture that depicted the pain and agony that Jesus felt on that day.  Most of the images I found were nice pictures of pretty crosses, some with bows on them, others with a happy looking Jesus sort of miraculously attached … no nails, no blood, no pain.

What does Easter mean to me?  Really, throughout the years, in my growth as a Christian, and my development as an Un-Fundamentalist Christian, my views have not changed as far as Easter is concerned.

We celebrate it on Good Friday, but some historians say it was not a Friday.  To me, it doesn’t matter … He died.  Jesus was called to Earth to live a pure life, and to die in our place.  His death is symbolic of the sacrifice that the Jews had to make every year in order to atone for their sins.  Hundreds of years before the death of Christ, The Prophets foretold the story of the Messiah; how He would come save the lost, to die a painful and agonizing death, taking on our sins, past present and future, so that we could have eternal life.


But Jesus didn’t just die.  Good Friday is the symbolic homage we pay for His dying, but Easter is a celebration of life!  Unlike many Prophets and Messiahs throughout history, our Messiah didn’t just die … He came back to life, fulfilling earlier prophecies, and completing the promise of salvation.

So, what does Easter mean to me?  Well, it means getting together with family to remember the gift that God gave us, to pay homage to the sacrifice that Jesus made in our place, and to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, the true Messiah.

Stuck in the Mud

I am stuck … stuck in the mud, and I am tired of it.

Seriously, the mud can be a fun place to be!  Some of the best times I ever had dirt biking was in the mud.  I remember one time getting so stuck, my entire back tire was in the mud … man, my bike was two feet deep in the mud!  Okay, that was a little stressful, but in retrospect, it was fun!

I feel the same with mud as I do with rain … I hate it.  I hate it unless I am truly prepared for it.  If I am outside enjoying myself, and suddenly it starts to dump rain, like the flood coming, and I don’t have a rain coat or an umbrella, I get frustrated.  If I am walking through the woods, and I slip and fall directly in a mud puddle, it frustrates me.  So, I guess I should not be so surprised that this muddy rainy rut that I am in right now is so frustrating.

But, as I said, I am stuck.  So, maybe it is time to prepare for it, and try to have fun.  My miserable attitude sure hasn’t been helping, so maybe having fun will help … or at least make it seem better.

Time to go play in the mud…

Coming?

I am thankful for my health

This is me, a year ago.  I think back to then (what I can remember – thank to the meds!), and compare it with now, and I am amazed.  Not surprised … I prayed and prayed, and you prayed and prayed, that I would get better, and feel less pain, and be able to live somewhat normally again.  God heard, and He helped me through it.

All of last summer, I cried out to God to heal me, or kill me.  I have never felt such pain, such depression, such hopelessness.  A few friends came and helped out, and for that I was very grateful (as was my wonderful wife!), but I was very sad.  When I was finally able to get out of bed, and get out more often, it was still hard, but as I started to get more flexible, and began healing, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Today, while running errands with Stefani, I was walking back from the bank, and I was amazed at how well I am doing.  I walk a lot now, to the bus stop going to work, at work, around our place to Crescent Beach.  I have lost weight (here’s hoping that continues!), I can be on my feet at work for hours at a time, and lifting and bending is getting easier all the time.

So, I am thankful for my health.  I think I have a ways to go yet, but it is a thousand times better than it was a year ago.  Here’s hoping for another thousand times better a year from now.

Thanks to those of you who prayed for me the whole time.

Doug

It's Not Fair (my personal whine)

I want to write this as a communication with God.  I don't want anyone to read it. If you are reading this, and you are not God, I apologize for what you are about to see.  This could get raw...

God, I want to take this opportunity to whine a little.  Some things have happened to us lately that really suck, and I am not too happy about it.  I think maybe you already know about it, but I have some things to get off my chest.

A couple years ago we almost moved to Mexico.  I'm not going to go into that one too much, because you already know how I feel about it, and I think I already know how you feel about it too.  The point of this is, when we did not move to Mexico to live our dream, we were granted a consolation prize ... a beautiful condo on the beach.  We have enjoyed this consolation prize for over two years.  We have enjoyed the patio, the garden, the walks on the beach, the coffee shops and restaurants, and the life of being a beach side dweller.  I don't feel like I am done here yet, but life has a different idea.

As you also already know, my job of almost five years was ripped from me without notice.  I didn't like the job ... at all ... but I was trying to live with it, and find something comparable to switch to.  I was hoping for something either with around the same pay, or with some great benefits or something to make up for it.  I was not looking for a minimum wage job.  I knew that I could not afford to live in this great beach side condo if I was only making minimum wage.

So, here we get to the bone I want to pick with you, God.  What the heck is going on?  No Mexico ... instead, I have to go back to my crappy well-paid job, trying to find something else.  I get a great place on the beach, and enjoy it for two years, then my life gets dumped in the toilet and I find myself working part time for a little more than minimum wage.  Now we are losing this great place, and in order to get caught up on bills, and try and make ends meet, we are moving into a place that is nothing like "second best".

Okay, I know, I need to get Mexico out of my head ... I need to pretend that it was never on the table.

You've given us some great blessings over the years, but along with those blessings, some really shitty screwed up stuff has crapped on us.  Just when our business was starting to pick up, I have a stroke and get sick and can't keep working on the business.  Still trying to figure that one out.  Last summer's back issue was a great time, thanks.

Damn, I am so negative.  How about You help me to think positive.  Let me try that for a second, and see what that looks like ...

...

... this is tough

...

... okay, here goes.

The new place that we are looking at, and more than likely moving into, is ready for us right now!  That means we can start packing and get it over with, and get on with things quicker. Furthermore, our current landlord is trying to find someone for the 15th, so we can do it sooner, and maybe not have to pay double rent!
The new place is still close to work, and we won't have to walk a mile to get to the nearest bus stop, or take a bus that only runs once an hour.
I am liked at my new job.  People there respect me, and even though the pay is not that great, and the benefits won't come for a year, there is opportunity for advancement, and with my previous experience, that advancement might come a little quicker.
We have some great friends, and even if we end up moving to Calgary, Comox, or Prince Rupert, they will still be our friends.
We still have our car.  Nothing more needs to be said about that!
We have a really fun cat.

Okay, we are still very blessed, I understand that.  I just need to focus more on what have, and not what we have lost.

By the way, I am ready for something to happen, something good, something wonderful, something positive and fulfilling.

Thanks for listening.

And if anyone got this far, thanks for reading.

Nothing is happening

 

 

How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

I am reading this at a very low time.  I want it to be over.  I am tired of this.  How long have I been crying out?  How much longer will I have to wait?  What have I done to deserve this?  Why didn’t certain things happen that could have avoided this?

I am feeling really messed up right now, and I have to admit that death does not seem like a bad alternative to this life right now.  At least then the things of earth will no longer matter so much.

But I know that God has a plan for me.  I know that this time in my life is nothing in comparison to what God has done for me, and will continue to do for me in my life.  My faith, my hope, my trust … it is in His unfailing love.

I am often amazed at how in tune David was to the love of God.  There was no Jesus.  There was no forgiveness without sacrifice.  There was no Savior.  And yet, here is David, professing God’s unfailing love, and knowing of God’s forgiveness.

“My heart rejoices in your salvation … for [You] have been good to me”

Thanks for listening, I needed to cry this one out.

I want to thrive

 

Saturday morning, Stef is out for a birthday party with one of our friends from our Bible Study group. I am alone with the cat, a borrowed dog, and Switchfoot … really loud.  A song just played, and I decided to look up the lyrics. Kind of fitting right now.  See for yourself …

 

Switchfoot – Thrive (from Vice Verses)

Been fighting things that I can't see in
Like voices coming from the inside of me and
Like doing things I find hard to believe in
Am I myself or am I dreaming?
I've been awake for an hour or so
Checking for a pulse but I just don't know
Am I a man when I feel like a ghost?
The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes
No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive
A warm body don't mean I'm alive
No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
Feels like I travel but I never arrive
I want to thrive not just survive

I come alive when I hear you singing
But lately I haven't been hearing a thing and
I get the feeling that I'm in between
A machine and a man who only looks like me
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/switchfoot/thrive.html ]
I try and hide it and not let it show
But deep down inside me I just don't know
Am I a man when I feel like a hoax?
The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes

No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive
A warm body don't mean I'm alive
No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
Feels like I travel but I never arrive
I want to thrive not just survive

I'm always close but I'm never enough
I'm always in line but I'm never in love
I get so down but I won't give up
I get slowed down but I won't give up
Been fighting things that I can't see in
Like voices coming from the inside of me and
Like doing things I find hard to believe in
Am I myself or am I dreaming?

No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive
A warm body don't mean I'm alive
No I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
Feel like I travel but I never arrive
I want to thrive not just survive
I want to thrive not just survive

 

Thanks for popping by …

Happy New Year

Today was White Rock’s Annual Polar Bear Swim.  I did not participate, but we watched the hundreds of … diehards … getting cold and wet.    Maybe one day I will try it.  We have often wanted to see it, having lived in White Rock and area for a few years now, but this is the first time we were able to. It was fun to watch!

So, 2011 is over, and a new year has begun.  Aside from the obvious end of the world crap, I wonder what it holds for us.

2011 was not our best year, but it was not our worst, either.  The problems with my back sort of robbed us of Summer at the beach, and life was pretty tough for a while.  Things are back to normal now, and they seem to be getting better.

Work has been tough.  Stefani has not been able to get more contracts, as she was spending a lot of her spare time helping me at work, and she did not get paid for that.  While it would have been nice to take the time off work, get physiotherapy, and get better, we did not have that option.  No insurance, and MSP only covers a dozen visits.  But God provided, nonetheless.

I am still at my job, and while it hasn’t been the greatest place lately, it is still not the worst.  I need to be more challenged and more appreciated … basically, I am needy   I have tried to find something else, but nothing is happening.  I have applied for many advertised jobs in the last two years, but I have only had a couple of interviews.  Not sure if it is me, my resume, my cover letters, or God saying .. .sit … stay … good boy …

So, I am trying to find ways to make my job better.  Maybe I can do something that will help the business make more money, but then the boss will just spend more… what can I do?

I guess what I can do is thank God for the job that I have, as there are many people out of work, or working really crappy jobs, barely surviving.  My boss is good to me, even if he doesn’t show it well.  We just need to come up with something that works, I guess.  And we will.

So, here is to another year, better than last.  Just keep swimming!